'THE WEEKLY RECAP" by Secretary Mary

Hi. This is Mary, the BOYS' secretary. If you remember, I'm 22, blond hair, blue eyes, 34-22-34 and I started working for THE BOYS when I was eighteen. I'm twenty-two, now. Did I say that already? Oops! My duties include expert and efficient SECRETARIAL SERVICES of all kind and HOT, WILD, FRENZIED, EXTRA-CURRICULAL activities of the kind I'd rather not say.
I couldn't take much more of their raving and ranting and screaming and yelling and using risque words like BULLSHIT and CRAP and SCUMBAG and SHILL O'REILLY THE LYING LIAR and a lot of other STUFF so I asked them to take a break if they would be so kind 'cause I was startin' not to be able to stand it and I'm glad they listened to me and left but now I have to write today's BLOG 'cause I told them I would If they would. (Leave). I don't mind if they use words like, ASS or even ASSHOLE because I had five older brothers who had been in PRISON for making MOONSHINE back home in DUCK HILL and they talked like that all the time. Well, we were all born in DUCK HILL but then we moved to RAYVILLE until DADDY got caught but MOMMA couldn't STAND her boss, so we moved over to WEST MUNRA and lived at my CUZZINS' HOUSE but we found out they were KISSIN' CUZZINS and MOMMA didn't like them PAWIN' ALL OVER US and my BROTHERS were being RELEASED FROM PRISON so we had to leave there and hitchhike out here to California where we got jobs pickin' peaches until the year was up and then we got to go to school and get grants which gave us enough money to live on while MOMMA looked for WORK but she had NO LUCK until she met that MOVIE PRODUCER who cast MOMMA in the lead role of his SEXUAL REVOLUTION EPIC but so far the VIDEO hasn't been RELEASED yet and I heard the MOVIE PRODUCER had to go to COURT on another matter which made MOMMA upset and then she started screaming about how HE HAD PROMISED HER SOME POINTS (whatever they are) but that SHE ENDED UP WITH NOTHING but CRAP! (Ooh, now I'm doing it). I think when I heard THE BOYS use the CRAP word, it brought back some of those BAD MEMORIES about MOMMA and the PRODUCER and even about SOME OF THE OTHER MEN SHE HAD BEEN INVOLVED WITH, like that guy who owned that popular restaurant in town, I don't know if I can say that name on a BLOG; all right it was called, BUSY BIMBOS' HOUSE OF A THOUSAND DELIGHTS or something like that and I was trying REAL HARD to forget all that stuff, to no avail I can assure you, because all they did there was use THE CRAP word as well, saying crap like, "CRAP THIS, CRAP THAT! YOU'RE FULL OF CRAP! YOU'RE A PIECE OF CRAP! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT CRAP! I DON'T GIVE A CRAP! I GOTTA TAKE A CRAP! WILL YOU CUT OUT THE CRAP? GET THAT CRAP OUTTA MY FACE! OH, FOR CRAP'S SAKE! I WILL BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOU! YOU'RE THE LOWEST PIECE OF CRAP ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH!" Crap like that. It was hard to take listening to them ALL WEEK LONG so I finally had to tell them, I'M SICK OF ALL YOUR CRAP! It worked. They left me alone but said they'd be back and if they liked MY BLOG they would teach me some new SECRETARIAL SKILLS so I have to get going, now and start this BLOG. Now, what am I going to WRITE ABOUT? Darn. I can't think of ANYTHING! OH, CRAP!